all yours - iamladyshipper - Arcane: League of Legends (Cartoon 2021) [Archive of Our Own] (2024)

“Are you dating Vi now?”

Caitlyn freezes, staring at the girl from her history class. A chill runs down her spine as she tightens her grip on her drink. The music has slowed, making the speech too clear for Caitlyn to have misheard the question.

“What?”

That should be the safest answer, it should give Caitlyn the time to think and also more information. Like who’s spreading the rumor, at least. Maybe she really misheard it over the music.

“That’s what Vi said.”

Caitlyn blinks. What Vi said? The context of those words would of course be appreciated, but if that’s what Vi said, Caitlyn would rather play along. If this girl from her history class is joking or playing her, she can’t tell. This is a rather uncomfortable question. So Caitlyn settles for what doesn’t really feel like the safest option, neither for her nor for Vi, but it’s an answer.

“Yes, we’re dating.”

And then Caitlyn simply turns away, looking for the familiar pink hair in the crowd. Caitlyn spots the top of Vi’s head at the other side of the room. Everyone is swaying to the slower song, but Vi, Caitlyn sees it as she progresses in her direction, is standing alone, looking thoughtfully at the dancing people.

Someone curses as Caitlyn bumps into them, says something mean, but it doesn’t matter. Vi smiles when she sees her, and Caitlyn of course smiles back, the widest grin. This is so hilarious, people jumping to conclusions like that. Whether Vi confirms or denies, Caitlyn can’t wait to tell her.

“Vi, did you know we’re dating?”

Vi blinks at Caitlyn, wearing a non-decipherable expression, at least to Caitlyn’s eyes. “…Yeah?”

Caitlyn chuckles, a little surprised at the lack of reaction from Vi, because the news was supposed to be funny. Maybe it makes Vi uncomfortable. Caitlyn does want to pry, but she won’t, because if they raise the question whether they’re dating or not, it might ruin what they already have going on. And Caitlyn doesn’t know Vi that well yet, but from what she’s gathered through careful observation, Vi doesn’t favor commitment. Caitlyn narrows her eyes and tries to scan Vi’s face to understand what she meant. Vi doesn’t say more. Caitlyn nods.

“Okay.”

Vi squints at Caitlyn playfully, head tilted to the side, all handsome, her lips curled, hinting a challenge that makes Caitlyn’s heart flutter and her breath catch, which is probably not a good sign, being this intense. Not that it’s important, though, especially when Caitlyn is so lost in those grey eyes. Will Vi ever be her girlfriend? Not like this, not as a joke, but genuinely, will Vi ever mean it, looking at Caitlyn like that?

“Want to dance, girlfriend?”

Vi winks and offers her a hand to take, then pulls Caitlyn onto the dance floor as the next song begins.

Maybe it’ll be fun, too, if they just pretend.

--

Caitlyn is spent in a way that no woman ever made her. Not that she’s been with many, not like this, it was always in what she considered serious long-term relationships, ones that burned bright, but died quicker than Caitlyn expected them to. Every new hope was shattered, too many times in a row. She doesn’t want to make new ones, but her heart won’t ask what her brain wants. Common sense is no more than a weak whisper, lost in the serenades that Caitlyn’s heart sings at the highest volume, somehow still hitting all the right notes.

She looks over at Vi, who’s lying by her side, using Caitlyn’s arm as a pillow, her palm warm on Caitlyn’s waist, calloused thumb rubbing the tender skin of her abdomen. Vi is always so careful with her, so gentle despite being so strong. She’s rough where Caitlyn wants her to be, and soft where Caitlyn doesn’t expect it. Hands so skillful on her body, knowing all the right spots and just how to touch them. How and where Vi learned the tactics that never mistake to wreck Caitlyn and then piece her back together, Caitlyn doesn’t know and won’t ask. It matters what Vi does here, with her, and how with each next time she’s getting way too good at unravelling Caitlyn. That’s dangerous waters, and Caitlyn knows where her delusions begin, but they don’t yet end anywhere.

Caitlyn sighs, breath still a little heavy. Even blinking takes effort, her eyes inevitably sliding closed, but she forces them open anyway.

“Sleep, Cait. You’re tired.”

Vi’s voice is soft, tone almost tender, as she traces the outline of Caitlyn’s jaw. The touch is so light Caitlyn is almost ticklish; a small laugh escapes her lips. Vi leans in, her lips gentle on Caitlyn’s, and Caitlyn’s heart squeezes at how easily this woman makes her feel. The sound she hears herself make as Vi pulls away is almost of loss, but Caitlyn really is too tired, detached from the real world by now.

“Will you stay?” she asks; the drowsiness makes her bold.

“Do you want me to?”

Caitlyn’s breath catches. Of course she does, there isn’t one reason for her to not want Vi to stay, but is it too much to ask? Because Caitlyn knows her voice will fail to hide how badly she wants Vi to hold her through the night.

“Yes.”

It comes out a little bit too quiet, Caitlyn almost considers repeating herself, but she can hear Vi hum against the skin of her shoulder, and then the duvet is so warm on top of her, and there’s a warm breath on her collarbone. Caitlyn would have given so much to stay awake for this moment, but she can’t.

That night almost felt like a dream.

--

The night is dark and chilly. It’s April, the trees already starting to bloom, and Caitlyn is wearing the black trench coat that she only wears on special occasions. And heels, those stupid fancy shoes that she knew she would hate five minutes into the party, and it’s been hours. She just wanted to feel confident in her skin, is that too much to ask? To impress Vi.

Caitlyn’s had too much to drink, or maybe it was the migraine that she was trying to ignore all day, through her classes and the whole party, but her vision is swimming. Were she standing, she would probably stumble and kiss the asphalt already.

But the chill can’t get to her, not here. Nor the cold solid ground. Vi is carrying her home, from the cab and up the stairs of her apartment building. And Caitlyn fights the pain and the exhaustion just to stay present in this small moment, presses her temple into Vi’s shoulder, tightens her arms around Vi’s neck. It was too much to ask, but Caitlyn didn’t really ask. Vi just did it.

“Almost there, Cait.” Vi says it so quietly into her ear. Maybe there’s another side to her tone that Caitlyn can’t recognize, but Vi almost sounds like she really cares not to disturb Caitlyn’s headache. Like she cares.

She’s so strong, holding Caitlyn so easily, like she weighs nothing, and Caitlyn is grateful that she doesn’t have to walk up three floors. She should be terrified at how easily she let herself get tangled in whatever they have with Vi. Let Vi follow her out from the party when she called the cab home and not let go of Vi’s hand until she got in, too. And now she’s letting Vi carry her, and in these arms, she feels so safe, safer than she’s ever felt around someone. That’s probably too much trust put in a person in the span of a few weeks, but Caitlyn tells herself she will worry about it later when she doesn’t feel like a knife is stabbed into her right eye.

Caitlyn eventually stands when Vi prompts her to, and opens the door to her apartment. Vi hesitates before coming in after her, long enough for Caitlyn to notice, but then steps inside too, and locks the door behind her like she’s at home. Caitlyn is watching her face closely in the dim light after she turns on the small wall lamp, so she doesn’t fail to notice how Vi contentedly smiles a little before she turns to face her. Caitlyn freezes at the sight, and their eyes meet. Vi blinks at her, a question in her gaze, then reaches and tugs on the lapels of Caitlyn’s black trench coat that she only wears on special occasions. To pull it off, Caitlyn realizes a little belatedly. She lets Vi help her.

“How are you?” Vi’s hands are gentle on Caitlyn’s shoulders, barely touching, but they are there to support her weight if she needs it.

“Tired.” Caitlyn is whispering to not worsen the pain. But she collects herself enough to tug on Vi’s own jacket. Pull it off, too. So she doesn’t go, because where would she go without her favorite black leather jacket. Caitlyn could keep it, if it meant Vi stayed.

“You want me here or am I making it worse?” Vi says, voice as low as Caitlyn’s. Caitlyn is immediately embarrassed at how quickly she pulls Vi in for a hug.

“No-no. You’re not,” Caitlyn says into Vi’s ear, not letting go. “You’re making it better.”

They stand there. It should be awkward, but Caitlyn loses track of time. Vi’s hands on her waist are what’s holding her together. It’s a long time before she lets go.

“Help me shower?”

“Hot water helps?”

“Mm-hmm.”

It should be embarrassing, again, but somehow it isn’t. So they walk to the bathroom, and Vi helps her undress, and turns out, it feels just as good when she’s not tearing off Caitlyn’s clothes, but undoes them slowly, with care. When it’s not sex, but a different kind of intimacy. How did they get this far? How did Caitlyn let her come so close?

“Would you mind going in with me?”

They have done this before. It just… was not like this. And Caitlyn hopes Vi can see how tired she is, what she means it to be like this time. Maybe this is where Caitlyn is crossing the line, asking for too much. She should have stopped herself before they got into the cab, but here they are.

“Of course,” Vi says, taking off her own t-shirt without hesitation.

And they get into the bathtub and Vi closes the curtain, and Caitlyn leans her head on the wall. The tiles are cold, soothing the pain a little. Vi turns on the water and finds the right temperature; it’s perfectly warm when she points the shower at Caitlyn. So soothing on her shoulders.

Vi tentatively touches her arm, massages the biceps, then, when Caitlyn leans into the touch, she proceeds up to her shoulders. The touch is heavenly, Caitlyn didn’t even know she was this sore. She sighs in relief, moves over to rest her forehead on Vi’s shoulder. Vi is always skillful with her hands, yes. But this is a whole new level, at least in Caitlyn’s head. She wants to apologize, maybe she’s forcing Vi unintentionally, but hesitates.

“Is this okay?” Vi asks as her hands travel up to the base of Caitlyn’s skull, thumbs massaging the back of her neck, and Caitlyn exhales, relaxing, was she holding her breath? Caitlyn pulls Vi closer to herself, maybe a little to abruptly, and hides her face in the crook of Vi’s neck.

It sends a strike of pain to the back of Caitlyn’s head. She inhales sharply, but doesn’t let go.

“Easy, easy, easy,” Vi whispers, rubbing Caitlyn’s neck gently. She tries to pull away, to look Caitlyn in the eye, probably, but Caitlyn is holding on too hard, so Vi only just twitches and then relaxes again against her.

“Please—”

“Shh. You don’t have to say anything. I’m not leaving you. I’m here.”

Caitlyn takes a deep breath. She’d give so many things just for this moment to last, and for now, for this short while, she can have it, if only it didn’t mean she has to bear the physical pain. It’s exhausting, and the is barely standing to begin with.

“Let me wash your hair.”

“That…” Caitlyn swallows down the sob before it can escape her lips. “That would be great.”

Vi’s fingers in Caitlyn’s hair make it so much better. As they touch, circle the shell of her ear, tug a little, she can’t help a little whimper that escapes her lips, and the pain almost goes away, and Caitlyn wonders if it’s supposed to feel this good or it’s just that it’s Vi doing it. The shampoo smells of lavender, and even if it’s the shampoo Caitlyn has been using for a while, from now on it’ll be a smell she associates with this evening.

“Vi?” Caitlyn says softly. “Thank you.”

“It’s nothing. How are you feeling?”

“Better.”

How can Vi be so casual about this? Does this little moment not change her whole world? Probably not. Maybe she would have done it for anyone else. But Caitlyn wouldn’t, and wouldn’t let anyone but Vi this close. She feels like she’s falling, but Vi is always there to catch her.

Vi rinses her hair. Then Caitlyn loses a moment to her drowsiness. Then she’s prompted to step out of the bathtub, and Vi dries her off with a towel, slowly, lightly. Vi helps her dress and dresses herself back in her clothes. Caitlyn is too tired to protest about Vi not wearing her pajamas that live in Caitlyn’s dresser since last week when she stayed over. Vi doesn’t hesitate to take Caitlyn in her arms again, and the next thing she remembers is being put down on the bed.

When Caitlyn finally opens her eyes, Vi is not near.

She doesn’t even have the energy to call for her, or comprehend where she went. Was she here at all? Did Caitlyn dream it all? Is she still dreaming?

But Vi appears between this blink and the next with a hair dryer.

Caitlyn lets Vi dry her hair, warm air pleasant on her scalp, then takes her migraine medication, it’s in the drawer of her nightstand. Vi climbs into the bed, a solid weight behind Caitlyn’s back, and she hugs Caitlyn’s middle. Vi’s breath is warm on the back of Caitlyn’s neck. It’s the first time Caitlyn is not alone dealing with this kind of pain, and for a moment, she thinks about how she can’t believe it’s happening. But it is.

“I’ll be here. Rest, Cupcake.”

So Caitlyn lets herself rest, fast asleep in seconds.

--

This morning, Vi sent Caitlyn a text. An offer to have lunch together. That’s why Caitlyn exits the auditorium first, closing her bag on the go. She makes her way to the university cafeteria, maybe way too quickly, but the class was a little longer than it was supposed to be, and Caitlyn doesn’t want to make Vi wait.

She enters the cafeteria and immediately sees Vi’s pink hair in the far corner. She’s talking to someone, and even over the noise, Caitlyn can hear the conversation.

“I’m waiting for my girlfriend,” Vi says. Caitlyn slows down. Does Vi mean her when she says it? Vi hasn’t noticed her yet, so she stands away and listens.

“They say Caitlyn Kiramman is your girl?”

Caitlyn doesn’t know the people Vi is talking to, so they must be just some acquaintances. It rubs Caitlyn the wrong way how other people talk about her, judging her by her heritage and her mother’s social status. She doesn’t want everyone to know her name. But they do.

The smile appears on Caitlyn’s face on its own when she sees Vi’s face light up at the question.

“Yes, she is!” Vi answers excitedly.

Caitlyn doesn’t know at all if Vi cares about her status, because none of Vi’s actions so far looked like she does. And they never really had the conversation to confirm to each other that they are together. Caitlyn isn’t sure that Vi isn’t just confirming the rumor from earlier, and if she is…

That doesn’t matter. Caitlyn doesn’t want to assume they are dating, so she will think that Vi is not serious when she says this, that she just continues their local joke or pretends, uses it to drive off people who are flirting with her. Caitlyn is not ready to hear a no right now, so she won’t say anything. She’s having fun being with Vi, that is enough.

“Hi.” She says as she’s approached the table, waving awkwardly at Vi and the other girls.

“See you later, Sarah,” Vi says in a tone that means goodbye.

“Yeah, yeah.”

Caitlyn sits down, the women leave. There’s so much food on the table; it’s every dish she likes to eat in this cafeteria, at once. It’s not the first time Vi does this, buys her too much of something, but Caitlyn actually finds it sweet, so she touches Vi’s hand on the table, smiling.

“You bought the whole cafeteria again. How do we eat all this?”

Vi chuckles.

“Eat whatever you like, we’ll take the rest home.”

“Vi, you will…” spend your whole salary on me, Caitlyn means to say, but she finds that Vi called her place home. Because she did invite Vi over this evening. Caitlyn does her best not to freeze at the ache of her heart. She would very much like for Vi to always call her apartment home.

“Eat.” Vi is laughing.

Caitlyn starts eating without a word.

--

It’s not supposed to be this kind of date, they are friends with benefits, not a couple, but as Caitlyn is waiting for Vi to arrive to her home, she does her makeup and straightens her hair. She notices frequently that she wants to impress her, and by know Caitlyn has come to terms with the fact that she is in love with Vi. Because that explains her every action, like crying at 3 AM because she misses having Vi in her bed, cuddling with her, but she should give Vi her space.

The doorbell rings a little earlier than Caitlyn expected, but she is ready, she was waiting. She prepared the cafeteria leftovers to be their dinner, changed the bedsheets, mopped the floor, had a shower. It’s not that Vi cares about the mess or Caitlyn’s eyeliner, but it makes Caitlyn a little more confident.

“Hey.” Vi says when Caitlyn opens the door. They exchange what should have been a polite hug, but it lasts a little bit too long, and before pulling away, Vi tenderly kisses Caitlyn’s lips, lingering for only a second. Caitlyn follows her lips when she draws away, and Vi gives her another little peck, but then lets go to take off her jacket. It’s the same leather jacket that Vi was wearing that day. When Caitlyn had a massive headache and Vi followed her home. She savors this memory, how gently Vi took care of her, and how she promised to not leave her side. And the fact that Vi is indeed here.

Caitlyn is just too scared to talk to her about it. But maybe it’s time. Sometimes it really is time.

But she postpones the conversation, trying to find the right words. They eat dinner, which is delicious, but Caitlyn is too nervous to enjoy the food. She’s looking at Vi, contemplating what she should and shouldn’t say. Maybe after dinner.

It happens when she’s washing the dishes, Vi hugging her from behind, the side of her head against Caitlyn’s shoulder blade.

“I love you so much.” Vi says, smile evident in her voice. It’s the first time she says it, ever, because Caitlyn noticed, Caitlyn was attentive to Vi’s words and actions.

But Caitlyn still stops, almost dropping the plate into the sink.

“What?” she says.

“I can’t imagine a better girlfriend.” Vi continues, completely unbothered by Caitlyn’s reaction. “I’m so grateful to have you. Do you know that?”

Caitlyn slowly puts down the plate and washes the soap off her hands, then dries them with the towel. She turns in Vi’s arms to face her, finds Vi’s eyes to look into, because she needs to see her every little blink, maybe that’s how she will finally decipher what Vi really implies when she says something like this.

“Vi…” Caitlyn asks, voice a little shaky. “You consider me your girlfriend?”

Oh. It sounded better in Caitlyn’s head. A lot better. It sounds awful when it’s out.

“Yes. You don’t?”

Caitlyn huffs a laugh and presses her forehead to Vi’s. But Vi pulls away, and Caitlyn almost feels like she’s ruined everything. She shouldn’t have said a thing, that’s her first thought, but this confusion between them couldn’t have gone on forever. But Caitlyn keeps herself together, or maybe Vi’s hands, still on her waist, do.

“I thought you didn’t.” Caitlyn tries.

“But you said we were dating more than a month ago. And nothing changed between us since then. Why would I consider you anything else?”

Vi is right. But Caitlyn, it seems, was just fooling herself. Vi was always around, her every word and action showed what she has now put in words. That she loves Caitlyn and wants the best for her. That’s what she says now.

“It’s not supposed to be like this. It’s supposed to be a mutual decision.” Caitlyn is staring at the floor, everything is so complicated.

“Cait, just say it if you don’t want to be my girlfriend. I won’t pressure.” Vi takes a step back, and Caitlyn panics. She must take action.

“No, wait.”

So Caitlyn experimentally puts her hand on Vi’s arm. Then Vi doesn’t move away, she pulls her in. Kisses her, pouring all feelings that she’s been suppressing into it, all the worry and the longing, what she felt during those nights when she couldn’t sleep because she was imagining this moment. Was it this easy all this time? She was so scared of losing Vi. She couldn’t bring herself to ask. Caitlyn strokes Vi’s cheek as she pulls away.

“Do you mean it?” Caitlyn says, voice quiet, as if Vi might disappear if she says it too loud.

“Of course I mean it.” Vi says it like she would say that two plus two equals four. “I love you, Caitlyn. Am I… not showing it enough?”

Caitlyn puts her finger under Vi’s chin. She tugs so Vi is looking into her eyes, and when their eyes meet this time, Vi is giving her that look that Caitlyn could never place a name on, but now she sees that it’s just Vi being open. Ready for anything Caitlyn gives her.

“Violet.” Caitlyn protests. “You are. I was just blind.”

She kisses Vi again for a short moment, but she’s not done talking. She says,

“I need you more than you can imagine. And I’ve loved you from the very start.” Caitlyn rubs her nose against Vi’s and giggles. “I love being your girlfriend. And that you’re mine.”

Vi blinks at her.

“Of course I’m yours!”

--

Bonus:

Caitlyn tucks her head under Vi’s chin as they lie in bed that night.

“I kind of thought you were just being nice.” Caitlyn says.

“What?”

“Carrying me home from the party. And that you stayed.”

Vi snorts. “No, I wouldn’t do that for anyone else. Just you.”

Caitlyn leaves a kiss on the edge of Vi’s chin, then her neck. Oh, she was so stupid.

“Good.”